The Timehop / Memories apps are a nice touch. I’ve been on FB a long time and it often chucks up pictures and memories I had long forgotten, or even deleted. Photos and conversations from the past that often make me smile.

But one just came up that simply said:

“I can’t wait to kiss this rubbish year goodbye”

I feel so unbelievably sad that I wrote this.

It was the year Seb was born.

This post didn’t specifically relate to Seb, I had just had a scan and found out at 11 weeks that there was no heartbeat and the pregnancy had ended. I feel so sad, and ashamed with myself, for making a sweeping statement about that whole year.

And I feel sad that I placed so much emphasis on having another baby. I’ve written about it before but I wanted another baby for very wrong reasons and I am thankful now that they miscarried. By the time I had Dominic I was in a much healthier mindset. Seb was 2.5 when he was born and I had got to a stage of realising that I would feel complete if I didnt go on to have any more children.

I would give every penny I own to be able to go back to the day I wrote that post and hold my little baby Seb and stroke his face, smell his hair and relax and savour the day with the lightness, knowledge and happiness I feel about him and our lives today.